must it be? it must be.

This isn't a post about my opinion on his death. That's been talked about enough, and let's just say I'm happy he's dead and I don't care about the sanctity of his life. It may sound jingoistic but I don't think it is.

This post is about the potential backlash, and how it's freaking me the fuck out.

I live in New York. I'm about 40 minutes from Manhattan. I go to the city for various things like shows, shopping, etc.

I'm going to the city in two weeks for an internship interview. If I get it, I'll be traveling to the city a few times a week for the summer.

I'm really scared. I don't want to skip the interview and I don't want to refuse the internship if I get it.

But I just watched a clip where a counter-terrorism expert was saying that in the short-term, there is risk of backlash in the form of low grade terrorism, so I guess that's things like subway/building/street bombings. They'll want to prove their relevancy after the death of their leader, but they can't exactly plan a mass murder on a scale anywhere close to 9/11.

Please don't tell me that me being scared means they won. You know how they win? If I die. I don't want to die. I know I can't let myself be irrationally crippled by fear, but I can be reasonably cautious. I have a fiance, I want to have a life with him, I want to have our family. I'm really really really scared. I don't know what to do.

I would regret it forever if I refused the internship and nothing happened, which I suppose is the most likely scenario, but still. I'm just really scared.

Yesterday I found myself wishing that subways had similar security to airports. Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? That's how scared I feel.

It doesn't help that I'm an anxiety-ridden person in general. And I know this is going to make my OCD have a fucking field day with way it can threaten my mind with.

And it's affecting me in other ways that I don't even want to mention... it's just really warping my mind to a horrifically embarrassing degree.

I think I need to try to go to sleep. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Edit: I didn't sleep because I started crying at the thought of how my boyfriend would be if I died.

So I googled stuff.

Reading stuff like this helps NOTHING:

New York's police chief says people need to remain vigilant beyond this week.

Ray Kelly said: "New York is the number one target. That's the stark reality.

"This is seen as the most important city in the world to these types of terrorists so I don't see that changing as a result of the death of bin Laden."



sigh